World D0mination

Post by **ccb056** » January 29th, 2004, 3:29 am

[Some bits of this are...hmmm....PG-13. Consider this a warning that the whinings of nancy-boys will fall on deaf ears. :-P --Ed.]
 
 There are two things that everyone subconsciously strives for in life: and world tion. I was never much into Freud myself, so I think I'll leave the first topic alone for the purposes of this article. A difficult task to summarize, you say? Well, we'll see...
 
 First of all, age and nationality do mean something. If you're over 35 already and don't have a flourishing career in politics, you might survive to te the world, but by the time you do, you'll be too senile to realize it. As for nationality, it's significantly easier to te the world if you are a US citizen by right of birth. That's not to say...ohh...a Brit couldn't do it, but it will take more effort. That said, let's get to specifics.
 
 •Plan A (Valid for US citizens only): The Thirteen Lucky Steps

 
 1) To make things easy on yourself, be the citizen. Sure, it's going to make for a boring set of teen years, with missing out on all that under-age drinking, use, in semi-public places, etc., but it's frowned upon, and you don't want to people off until they can't do anything about it. That said, just cross all your 't's, dot all your 'i's, and don't break any laws (even the goofy, seemingly pointless, unenforced ones).
 
 2) Go to college and do your best to get an internship in the state, or (if possible) national government. (Ladies, beware: While you could get a load of money and publicity by having an affair with a lofty political figure, it would end your quest for world tion right there. Do not pass 'go', do not collect the absolute authority over....well....everyone.) This is the beginning of your political career, so the media spotlight will be increasingly on you. This means that every little mistake will be increasingly noticed and frowned upon. You're still trying not to people off, so stay within the lines, follow all the rules, and be Mr./Mrs. Goody Two-Shoes. Yeah, missing the college parties could be a drag, but you're looking to avoid scandal-mongers, and they can smell second-hand pot smoke that's 40+ years old.
 
 3) Fresh out of college, get yourself elected to a seat in Congress. The sooner the better, though you've probably got a couple of years to fine-tune your campaign speeches to get them just right. Conform to the will of the people (more specifically, the group that forms the majority of the votes) to make sure you keep the power you've achieved. Remember, soon enough, they'll be bowing to your every whim, so make the consessions now. Also, make sure you're in one of the two major parties. You might not agree with everything they do, but we all know that nobody votes for a third party candidate.
 
 4) Thirty-five is the minimum age to be elected to the Presidency. Go for it. If you screwed up somewhere before this, the scandal-mongers will let you know, and possibly steal away your hopes of world tion. In that case, you would have led the life of the people's bitch, and I will be forced to laugh in your face about it.
 
 5 [optional]) At this point, you might be wondering if world tion will be all it's ed up to be. Since you've made it this far though, world annihilation is within your grasp. Quietly off China, then launch nukes. Watch the happy fallout kill billions.
 
 6) Assuming you've not doomed us all to horrible s at this point, then you're sitting in the head office for one of the largest superpowers in the world. Continue being the population's bitch, conforming to their will. Come reelection time, run again. Try to maintain a popularity rating of over 75%. If it drops below 50%, you're sunk.
 
 7) About a year into your second term, start going through legislative and/or judicial channels to get the twenty-second ammendment repealed/revoked. Why? Because you're extraordinarily popular and eight years is never enough to properly hatch a devious--if well hidden--scheme.
 
 8) With your popularity through the roof, and that pesky law restricting the number of terms you can spend as President, it's time to ring in a new dawn of Imperialism. This is a task in itself, seeing as you still have a great deal of Constitutional constraints, and a popularity rating to continue worrying about...
 ---i) Begin with a pro da campaign to make some neigh-powerless, already unpopular nation look like a threat. I've got some ideas of my own, but I'll leave you to figure out your own. (I recommend starting with nations like Afganistan, Pakistan, Columbia, and/or maybe India or Mongolia. For now, don't touch Britain, France, Canada, and the like.)

 ---ii) Bring your military arm to bear.
 ---iii) When the nation is battered and broken, pressure the government into applying for statehood. A good idea is to give them a choice of total embargo (complimented with a blockade) or the state application.
 ---iv) Repeat until there's the faintest outcry that you're becoming oppressive. You're expanding your power base, not ing it off.
 ---v) If the War Powers Act becomes an issue (can't deploy troops for more than 30 days without Congressional approval or an act of war), take it to the Supreme Court. You might not win the case, but you'll keep the decision stalled for years.
 
 9) People are probably beginning to think of you as a big, mean, oppressor of independent nations, so stand down the troops. Maybe even grant one of your most recent acquired territories their renewed independence. When their economy falters, offer to let them back in, and suddenly you're Captain Friendly again, and your campaign to "absorb and help" these tiny nations is vindicated. Build your popularity back up again before proceeding. You'll need support to keep step 10 from going the way of the Treaty of Versailles.
 
 10) The US probably covers about half the land area of Earth now. Struggling, unpopular, third-world nations will now be growing, developing states which, in a few years/decades will be able to further fuel the American economy. A growing economy can translate into political leverage. Use it. More specifically, use it to convince other nations to join in a sort of world-wide alliance. UN be damned, because you're going to attempt to make something a little less likely to get bogged down in political hoo-hah. Being the father of the idea, and the most popular man/woman in the US, who is the natural choice to lead this alliance of nations and hand down all those neigh undisputable (in order to avoid political boggage, remember) decisions?
 
 11) Once more, it's pro da time. What you have to do is slowly ease people into the fact that this alliance is the best thing for the world's population. Once that idea has been firmly established, gradually begin taking the sovereign powers of the member nations away. (How you do this is up for grabs, but I'd recommend creating a set of mirrored abilities, then when a conflicting decision arises, state that the alliance overrides the member nation.) Be sure to apply this to the US as well. Your actions will soon make your popularity take a dive, so you want the Presidency to be a meaningless position.
 
 12) You've now achieved partial world tion. Almost there, but not quite. Doubtlessly, there will be a few nations that absolutely refuse to join the alliance. Use your pro da machine to portray them as a threat, thus opening the door for you to use the military to conquer (maybe obliterate...) those nations.
 
 13) Establish your own personal Gestapo to micromanage the pro-you pro da and silently kill any remaining opposition. You've now secured the world for your own personal pleasure. Time to claim revenge for having been the bitch of the popularity polls for so long.
 
 Now, take a look at that... Right up until step seven (excluding step five), people do that pretty often. Everything past that hasn't happened yet, but isn't too terribly far-fetched, assuming you're charismatic enough and actually followed the first half of the instructions. Basically, you're a whole hell of a lot more apt to te the world with this sort of slow, odical od that with some idiot-generated plan like stealing a nuke or planting subliminal messages in a half-hour sitcom.
 

 Why tell someone a plan as openly as this? Simple: It sews the seeds of disbelief. You laugh now, but when a BlueFlames' Gestapo officer comes to your house to administer the most recent loyalty test, it won't seem quite so humorous.
 
 [Okay, now we worry. I'm not sure which side of the line seperating geniuses from lunatics this guy is on, but either way, it's definately cause to worry. --Ed.]

http://www.shatteredstar.com/ff_week.php?id=87

The_Man · Post by **The_Man** » March 15th, 2004, 11:51 pm

Hmmm your article is interesting, butt I've come up on a way to take the world by myself.

1) Step 1 and 2 are pretty much the same except enjoy yourself.
2) Screw Presidency
3) Use Google to search how to build the Ultimate weapon .... H-Bomb
4) Learn how to build weapons
5) Pay a 3rd World country such as Pakistan or India for Weapons Grade Plutonium or Unranuim (This is assuming your a succesful buisiness man)
6) Build a secret lab undergound (Basically just build a big building that goes really far underground then have a secret org that creates and modifies it to become the perfect militry base)
7) Keep creating and inventing new weaponry and technologies until you have enough to threatu a country such as France.

Once you have a country like France's ok economy under your belt start building expansions.
9)Don't even try the presidecy approach
10) Slowy take over places such as the middle east.
11) Blow up China and Russia
12) Hack Trident submarine plans from teh goverment.
13) Build 5 Trident Submarines ( This is where the take over of hte Middle East and France's econmy really comes into play)
14) Destroy the World (Do not DESTROY countries you already control IE France or the Middle East. Best way is a poison gas that you can easily cancil out when you need to.)
15) Who ever is left will either join your empire or die
16) Rebuild your economy as new ruler
17) Screw the US Government
18) Also for step 14 keep a few main city's in perfect working order and do not destroy residence such as New York, New Orleans, Los Angelos, Londen ...
19) there we go a .

Aggressor Prime · Post by **Aggressor Prime** » March 16th, 2004, 12:21 am

And where do you plan to get all this money from?

Also, anyone can take over France.
All you have to do is walk in France, say, "I am taking over France," and the cowards will run away.

The_Man · Post by **The_Man** » April 1st, 2004, 3:35 am

are you stupid
you take over France ... they may be pussies but they ain't poor.

The_Man · Post by **The_Man** » April 1st, 2004, 3:36 am

oh and your supposed to be a succesful buisiness man ... did i mention that in World domination?

Aggressor Prime · Post by **Aggressor Prime** » April 1st, 2004, 4:32 am

I didn't say they were poor.

Tebow2000 · Post by **Tebow2000** » April 4th, 2004, 6:18 am

uh.. disses keep it clean